Ideal Project Manager 1.0, boxed

Several months ago I was leaving one of the best teams I worked with. I wanted to leave them something, that will help them coping with any issues they would have. That is when the idea of “Ideal Project Manager 1.0” came to my mind. Developers usually complain that PMs are doing nothing during the working hours, they are only telling everyone how they should work. I am close to this idea too, so I created this ultimately cost-efficient version of project manager which can 100% replace your PM. This PM works 24h/day, 7 days/week  and can 100%  replace the ordinary PM. Functionality includes all the good PM features – it provides you a piece of advice or direct command every time you have issue or task to solve.

So, I want to share with you this unique product, so it can help your teams too. Say hello “Project manager 1.0”!

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How it works

  1. When you have a problem or task(or if you just feel sad. PM works with any kinds of problems, as he is a professional!) – open the box and take 1 piece of paper.
  2. Read the advice from PM
  3. Implement the advice.
  4. Issue solved!!!!

Some examples of the advice you can get:

To solve this problem we need to call a meeting.
Fire anyone who is late for today’s daily meeting.
Just move the daily meeting to the later time.
Develop a clear communication strategy.
Keep it simple.
Estimate this stuff once more.
Double all the estimations.
Do not commit to this deadline. Move it at least 2 months later or reduce the number of features.
Listen to each other. I said LISTEN!!!!!!
Timing is critical, don’t forget that.
You should be more supportive. Everyone in the team should be more supportive.
Pretend that the problem doesn’t exist and it will disappear. I promise you.
You should discuss the issue once more, as I don’t feel you are all on the same page.
Just shout at them. They should do what you told them to do.
Call the meeting with Product Owner.
Invite Product Owner to the next retrospective.
Never invite Product Owner to the retrospective.
Individuals and interactions over processes and tools, don’t forget, username.
Working software over comprehensive documentation, don’t forget, username.
Customer collaboration over contract negotiation, don’t forget, username.
Responding to change over following a plan, don’t forget, username.
Change story points to ideal hours when you estimate.
Change ideal hours to story points when you estimate.
Multiply 10 all the estimations.
Double all the estimations.
It’s time to clean Jira – close all the already done or not relevant tasks.
Don’t forget about the review board.
Prepare coffee to anyone in the team.
It’s your turn to bring cookies tomorrow.

You can be surprised, but it works! I will later add the feedback from developers, now I have the info from their scrum master only.

Feedback:

“It works! I found out that our newcomer is to join us several weeks later we expected and didn’t know what to do,we already added him to the planning. Our deadline was close. So I used “PM 1.0″ and he told me to double all estimations! It worked! We met our deadline!”

Scrum master

P.S Share what fun objects you create for your teams. I would be very glad to know more about them.

(c) Project Manager 1.0, All rights reserved.

4 thoughts on “Ideal Project Manager 1.0, boxed

  1. Issues are always subjective and some points u mentioned and some do not. Some one in ur team is not delivering due to lack of motivation and then u pick up an advice paper out of this box and it says “shout at them ” then it doesn’t work that way . so few are so good tips i agree

    1. It was a kind of joke, of course they are not using it for their work 🙂 So the items present rather “bad advices” that can be given by bad PM)). Don’t take seriously these advices))

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